Life's not good at the moment. It seems to be failing and failing, and have I mentioned failing? One of my closest, best friends, I have let her down. A secret that was not let to be let out I told, however bad it was and should have been said, but it wasn't any of my business. I don't know what to do. I'm smart enough to realize suicide is the answer and cutting yourself doesn't help as I've seen a friend do, but I'm just.. lost. The only real friends I have are you Alex, and my clique which you know you guys are in it. I feel liked in that group, most of the time anyway. That's nothing to get upset over. I mean, yes they're assholes but I'm aware they love me, plus I'm an asshole, too. It all works out in the end. But there's always that one person who I'm never sure about. Does she like me or not? She's always changing her mind. Yes you, Jen.

I'm always misjudging things. I'm sure I'm over reacting about Jen. Sure, she SAYS we're good friends but I never get a hug, like tonight. I don't know anything anymore. But that's not the point. Alex is the point.

I've heard bad things about her, very bad things. I'm sure.. most of them are true as you've told me they are, but I still like you for who you are. You haven't done any of these things to me so I have no reason to hate you. Whatever happened between you and Audry isn't any of my business so I don't plan on letting that ruin our friendship.

Is it over? I wish you'd take your own advice, how you said to Dan you don't want him to be mad at you. The same is to me. I feel as though I've let you down many times and this was just the tip of the iceberg. I can't stand you not trusting me. I feel so doubtful.

I feel.. as though I've betrayed you. This is such a bad thing to have happened, especially near the holidays. I was one, if the only, person who you could trust to talk to about things, and I blew it. I fucking blew it. I'm a bad friend.

All this time, the two days, I kept thinking to not call you or talk to you. Let it heal; give it time. But I couldn't. I had to make sure you were ok.

I think that's it. Shaniqua I'm sorry, and I know that doesn't cut it. I just can't stand you being mad at me. I can't. Comments are welcome to help me figure out how to apologize and make things better. ;_;.